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I am developing an application, which I would like to be callable as a standalone app or lanunched from an IDE from a menu item. It took me a day to find and then get to work a simple module in netbeans (thanks to : http://blogs.sun.com/roller/page/geertjan/?anchor=netbeans_modules_for_dummies_part). But eclipse provides a project type for developing plugins within the IDE and a sample. It took me 1/2 hour to get it working. There needs to a project type or a sample added when creating a new project to allow easy development of NetBeans modules, based on either platform or IDE.
It is planned for NB 4.2. At least something of your requirements. For more details see http://apisupport.netbeans.org/new-apisupport.html maybe http://apisupport.netbeans.org/phase-II-ui.html. Also you can read harness/README in the latest NB build which contains details about module infrastructure. If you want to know all the latest info you can subscribe yourself to the apisupport project mailing list (also check its archive) http://apisupport.netbeans.org/servlets/ProjectMailingListList
Closing this issue since it's too general to be useful, but please stay tuned. dev@apisupport is focussed on technical issues pertaining to apisupport development and may not be useful for you yet - unless you are interested in trying out bleeding-edge stuff and helping track down problems.